Sam,

Do you remember when we were little and I asked you why your family celebrates so many holidays, like Christmas and Hanukkah, Easter and Passover? You were the only friend I ever had that celebrated multiple holidays because your parents were different religions and they wanted to expose you and your sisters to both of them. You told me how awesome it was because you had all these great traditions with both sides of your family and you even invited me over sometimes so I could see what your Jewish traditions were all about.

I never thought that your situation was ridiculous or had the opinion that you and your family needed to make up your minds about which religion you wanted to follow and which holidays you wanted to celebrate. I never once thought I had the right to dictate to anyone else how they should live their lives. I didn’t question it and I definitely didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. In fact, I think I was kind of jealous. It seemed like you had the best of both worlds. I thought you were so lucky to have parents that encouraged you and wanted you to experience as much happiness as possible, without ever being forced to choose between them or what they believed in.

I know our situations are not exactly the same, but I thought for a long time about how I could best try to make you understand where I’m coming from. All my life I was force-fed the idea that I was going to grow up and marry a woman. My father always told me to play the field while my mother told me to find a nice girl to settle down with. Imagine their surprise when I told them I was bisexual and wanted to date both guys and girls. Let me tell you, there weren’t exactly any celebrations going on in my house. They tried to convince me that there was no way I could like girls AND guys. They didn’t try to understand and they didn’t support me for a long time. They definitely didn’t make me feel like they just wanted me to be happy. To tell you the truth, I think they were more concerned with their own happiness than anything else—constantly telling me they couldn’t wait for me to find their daughter-in-law and start a family with her. And I’ll be honest, they almost convinced me to ignore the fact that I was also attracted to guys. I thought it would just make life easier, but it didn’t. My parents didn’t make it easy for me when they pressured me into making choices I wasn’t ready to make and you didn’t make it easier when you told me you just didn’t get it either.

You’re always going to celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah. I’m always going to be attracted to both sexes. I’m not asking you to agree with everything I do, but I am asking you to understand that sometimes not having to choose is the only choice we have.