There are many events and occurrences that take place in our lives that alter each passing day. Sometimes these moments can be so subtle you barely notice they even happened. Others are on such a drastic and dramatic scale that your life will just never be the same.  I am a big fan of the subtle, blink-of-an-eye, hope-you-were-paying-attention, you-came-so-close-to-missing-it moments. And this is just one of mine…

I am not a relationship expert nor do I know anyone that is. I can count the total number of relationship successes I know of on one hand. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, and if you’re someone in my circle of family and friends that number skyrockets to probably a good ninety percent. I have never been married, but have had my share of relationships both short and long term. I am a recovering narcissist and by that I mean I am not as perfect as I once thought I was and now I’m just a constant work in progress. That being said, I am fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and, of course, how they came to be. One trend that is prevalent in relationships is blame: So-and-so did this or didn’t do that. I've been accused of and blamed for negative things in my past relationships, but just like everyone else, I can justify them or at least attempt to. I've always tried to learn from my mistakes and take something away from every failed relationship regardless of how short-lived or trivial they may have been.

When I was nineteen, I accidentally started what would become my career. My life, my goals, and my sleeping habits all suddenly changed. Unknowingly, or at least unintentionally, the relationship I was in had to take a new position on the back-burner of everything else. She worked as a bartender, nights and weekends, while I worked typical daytime hours. Unfortunately, our schedules clashed and my priorities changed. This eventually resulted in at least one of the reasons for the failure of the relationship. There was some part of me that reflected on this failure and wanted to prove that I could balance work-life with my love-life and get that person back. I had something to prove, I wanted to be wanted again, and I wanted a break-up on my terms. Try as I might, she didn't want what I could offer any longer. It wasn't that I was such a terrible person and not worth being with. It just wasn't a compatible situation. We were young and we were both still trying to discover who we were and what our place in the world was. All these years later, we have been able to remain close friends.

I remember hearing a song while driving one day that changed every relationship I have had since that moment…not just romantic relationships, but friendships, cohabitation, coworkers—all types of relationships. The song was "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" by The Postal Service. The line that resonates with me is, "And I am finally seeing, that I was the one worth leaving." I don't ever want to be the one worth leaving. I make mistakes, I say things I shouldn't say, I forget, and I repeat the same behaviors I’ve apologized for, but my heart is always in the right place. When I think of that song and I think of that specific relationship, I can now see that I was the one worth leaving. I changed the dynamic of the relationship with that new job and changed the trajectory of my life and hers, but that was what was supposed to happen. We weren’t meant to be in that relationship; we were meant to be in a friendship.

I don't want to be able to reflect on any relationship and be able to pinpoint all the times I was wrong, hurtful, insensitive, or selfish. I want to be able to reflect on the things I could have done better, focus on the things I did right, and recognize in the other person what satisfied my demands and what was lacking. The purpose is not to define the faults of yourself and others, but to acknowledge, improve, and/or repeat the aspects that are worth repeating.

I encourage you to try and be the better half of everyone in all of your relationships. I also encourage you to strive for more than you believe you are capable of, more than you believe you deserve, and more than you ever imagined.  You will never be the one worth leaving.