The United States of America; so young, so beautiful, most certainly not without tarnish. Despite missteps throughout history, this country has been one of progress, leadership, and as the national anthem so famously says, “land of the free.” The word freedom rings in my mind over and over. It is the year 2023 and we stand hopelessly divided, dangerously politically polarized, filled to the brim with frustration, and perfectly susceptible to being stripped of the freedom we so dearly value. The recent reversal of Roe v. Wade has set off alarms. My heart aches knowing Obergefell v. Hodge, and other protections for the LGBTQ community, are likely the next area of focus.
As the tides continue to shift, I grow increasingly uneasy. There is no mistaking the dark clouds building in the near distance. Imagining the revocation of same-sex marriage feels like storm waters battering the shoreline pulling it backwards into an abyss. Where will this regression lead us? How far will the infringes go? An old friend knocks at my door. It’s “fear.”
I reflect on the time when fear first became a relevant factor in my life. I was a young, gay, teenager of high school age when I had two notable incidences of verbal abuse and threats of bodily harm. The first incident was not initially about me at all, rather I was defending a fellow peer from being bullied. The bullying then turned in my direction and my sexuality was the prime target. The second occurrence was during a play in a neighboring town's high school. I held my date's hand only to be harassed and threatened by a group of boys in varsity jackets. I have always displayed kindness towards others and was confused how someone could have such detestation towards me. I was scared, disoriented, and left to my thoughts.
For a time, I felt crippling shame for allowing someone to instill that level of fear in me. It inevitably changed the course of who I was and the person I was going to be. In those impressionable years following my experiences, I became acutely aware of some simple facts. If I live my life choosing to be my truest self, as all people should, I would be subject to the following circumstances. I may again be the target of people’s disapproval and hatred. I might face discrimination in life and in my career. The laws would not apply the same to me as they did to others. I could not serve my country openly. It meant “freedom” was not mine to have, not in its fullest capacity.
My solution became micro-level advocacy surrounding civil rights. Maybe I would never change the world, but perhaps I could touch the lives of a few. I’ve written papers, had heated debates both in and outside of the classroom, casually conversed, took firm stances as needed, and dabbled in activism. It was a time when discussing controversial subject matters was not so heavily discouraged. It was a time when people could hold such discussions without mentally shutting down when it became uncomfortable. It was a time when change was very much possible, and having a voice felt like it mattered.
Change eventually came to fruition for the LGBTQ community with the Supreme Court ruling that granted same-sex marriage as a constitutional right. I could never articulate into words the feelings I had in that moment. To put it simply, I felt pure, genuine, unadulterated happiness. This was a fight that started long before my time. I was incredibly fortunate to see the outcome and benefit from the sacrifices made by so many others. For the first time, I finally felt equal, complete, and rejuvenated with a sense of hope. Above all, I learned a vital lesson. Nothing in this world is more valuable than the freedoms we have, not monetary or other. There could be no greater tragedy than letting them slip away like water through our fingers.
I have so many wonderful dreams now knowing that dreaming is a privilege all in itself. I dream of one day marrying my girlfriend. I dream of building up our home and life together, inch by inch. I dream of raising children with her and incorporating into them all the best pieces that make up her and I. Mine is just one version of so many American dreams. More than anything, however, I just want to “live and let live.” I have never dreamt of anything more; I have never accepted anything less.
The past begins to collide with the future as we take steps in a backward motion. My dreams and thoughts of fear, anxiety, liberation, and happiness churn viciously in my head. Watching the storm clouds approach, I feel words bubbling up in my throat ready to pour out into the world. If I could only scream out, if people would only listen. NOW is the TIME to open our eyes and act! If we do not come together and build a protective sea wall, the storm will come, there will be no escaping the erosion, and no way to know the extent of the damage to ensue. It is not just the LGBTQ community that needs to be alarmed. Regression will eventually trickle down to everyone across the entire political spectrum.
I read the news daily, and daily I fear my dreams will be ripped into pieces yet again. The word freedom rings in my mind over and over. I pray the word does not lose its meaning. I hope for a time when constructive change is possible again. I appeal to the tolerance in all our hearts that we may live by our own morals without imposing them and inflicting harm and restriction on others. Though I yearn to be rejuvenated with hope once more, I live in fear that the days of equal rights are limited. It has always been a long road to freedom with no promise of victory. You may hate to speak out, but are you willing to just wait silently?