Divorce is difficult for both the parents and the children. I often cringe when I hear people talk about staying together “for the kids.” I am a child of divorce, as so many others are. Children are intelligent and intuitive and are far more aware than you might think. Staying together for the kids is not setting them up for successful relationships in their own lives.
It’s important to show children what family, love, communication, and problem-solving look like. We don’t just naturally know how to communicate effectively or juggle responsibilities efficiently. We have to learn how to do these things and we learn, most often, by example.
My parents argued and would then separate and get back together and separate and get back together… This pattern created an unsettling environment. I internalized this feeling and it became part of who I am today. Because of that uncertainty, I tend to feel the need to be in control of things in my life. From my home, to my job, to my willingness to take risks, and beyond, I need to feel safe and secure and moments of vulnerability are difficult. They take me back to a place emotionally that I don’t need to visit.
I’m not pointing fingers or blaming my parents for something. I’m just stating this truth. It was unnecessary for them to stay together “for the kids.” It served no greater purpose and we didn’t grow up better or worse because of it. I just believe that people need to be happy as individuals in order to be most happy and successful in relationships and then, in turn, they will be better role models for their children and those around them.